There were four key lessons that I learned from several interest based negotiations that I have undertaken in the last year. The following will either improve the outcomes for you or lessened the risk of not achieving a win-win:

1) An often overlooked aspect is that of timing. You should allow ample time to complete the negotiations. A relationship must be established in most cases before any long term negotiations can take place. Your negotiating partner must understand what to expect of you. Not doing this could be very detrimental to the exact long-term relationship that you are trying to protect and nurture. Pushing for an outcome with short notice, can also negatively effect on your reputation.

2) Making your BATNA (best alternative to a negotiated agreement) stronger in advance, for example by confirming and bettering your options, will improve your confidence in the negotiations. If you do this, you will have the confidence and objective criteria to ask for more – within reason.

3) On a personal note, it is important to separate rational choice from your personal predisposition. You must not only be able to control the display of negative emotions to your negotiation partners but when matters are highly personal you must also try to minimize the role of your personality and predisposition. Increased separation of your emotions will make the whole experience far less stressful for you. This is not an easy task, but well worth the effort.

4) Above all else, the power of preparation in negotiation can not be overemphasized. The time and effort spent obtaining information on and analyzing the interests, style and BATNA of the other parties are always well spent. If you do not do this, you will go into the negotiations blind which may result in positional bargaining instead of interest based negotiation. A great book to read on the subject is “Getting to Yes”.